Grieving Together

The last two weeks have unfolded quickly and yet slowly.  Each day we are hit with new waves of regulations, and we scramble to make adjustments to a new normal that we hope will conclude quickly.  As I’ve transitioned to online therapy with my clients, I’ve learned of intimate stories of loss that this pandemic has brought upon our country and world.

We are all experiencing loss right now.  Loss of freedom. Loss of a loved one. Loss of control. Loss of jobs or income or financial security. Loss of dreams and plans for celebrating graduations or birthdays or weddings. Loss of education. Loss of friendships and loss of goodbyes. Loss of homes and businesses. Loss of vacation plans. Loss of structure and schedules. Loss of childcare. Loss of sleep and comfort. Loss of safety.

I’ve listened to countless people share feelings of guilt and shame at having difficulty adjusting to their respective losses.  I keep wondering- What if we thought of this experience as a shared grief that we are all going through together, rather than comparing levels of loss and beating ourselves up? 

Grief levels us. One degree of loss can have the same psychological outcomes as another. Humans often react to grief through experiencing a variety of emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), commonly referred to as the “Stages of Grief” (Kubler-Ross). Today, grief researchers and therapists accept the notion that these stages are fluid. Meaning that people can jump from one “stage” or emotion to another in any given moment.

Okay, we are all grieving. So what do we do?

1. Have patience- Have patience for yourself and others. Take the time you need to grieve. There is no timeline to “get over” your loss. Others may be in denial or anger while you’re experiencing acceptance or vice versa. Acknowledge that everyone is on their own journey, and we are all experiencing the same collective grief.

2. Express empathy- Let’s not try to fix the grief, but feel the feelings as they arise and acknowledge the grief that others are experiencing. Let others know you’re in this with them. No one is in this alone.

3. Show compassion-  We are all in need of love and compassion, especially right now. Engage in self care routines often, however that might look for you. Send (virtual!) love to friends and family. Express kindness and understanding to those around you.

In this together with you,

Jessica

ps- if you’d like a space to process your grief, please reach out to me using the contact submission tab on my website or email me at jessica@jessicaglenntherapy.com. I’m currently seeing clients virtually from my Dallas ‘home office’ (closet turned office), and would love to talk with you.

Living in Uncertainty During an Infodemic

According to the World Health Organization, the COVID-19 outbreak has been accompanied by an ‘infodemic’, which is short for ‘information epidemic’. The term refers to the rapid spread of misinformation. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal the term was first coined in 2003 during the SARS outbreak. 

In the age of social media, both accurate and inaccurate information spreads rapidly and vastly. During times of crisis this can act as a double edged sword- providing warnings to others quickly but also making it difficult for individuals to determine what is accurate guidance.  Inaccurate information can have a variety of consequences including panic purchasing, hoarding supplies, spreading rumors, or even apathy as a way to harden oneself against the difficult task of living in the uncertain.

It can be extremely difficult for individuals to manage uncertainty. In a 2017 study of patients waiting for HIV test results, anxiety levels dropped after receiving a positive result, suggesting that uncertainty can be more emotionally stressful than receiving a diagnosis of chronic illness (Ashraf Kagee, Wylene Saal & Jason Bantjes (2017) Distress, depression and anxiety among persons seeking HIV testing, AIDS Care, 29:3, 280-284, DOI: 10.1080/09540121.2016.1259453).. Understandably, the public wants answers, and in an age of instant gratification many are turning to social media and unreliable news sources for information.

How to cope with uncertainty

Focus on the facts. Turn to reliable sources such as the World Health Organization, the Center for Disease Control, and your state and local government for guidance.

Have designated news times. During times of crisis, it’s important to take some time away from news sources that can cause stress. Try assigning specific times during the day that you allow for researching reliable news about the COVID-19 outbreak. For example, 30 minutes in the morning, and 30 minutes in the evening.  Try avoiding going down a social media rabbit hole.

Myth Busters. Read the CDC's Frequently Asked Questions about COVID-19, Key Facts Key Facts and the World Health Organization's Myth Busters about COVID-19.

Talk to someone- Share your feelings of stress and uncertainty with people you trust such as family, friends, clergy or a mental health professional. Many local crisis/counseling hotlines remain open and many therapists are offering phone or video sessions to support clients.

Let’s all work together to help stop the spread misinformation of this infodemic. Let’s stop encouraging fear and panic. Let’s take care of one another by researching and sharing the facts rather than rumors. Own your uncertainty, acknowledge your anxiety, and reach out to others who are struggling.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash